Peeta's Flashbacks's, Katniss Protects Him
by BlodreinaBeauty
Summary: Peeta has another flashback. This takes place after Mockingjay but before the epilogue. Peeta has a nightmare about what he had done and been through. Katniss realizes that she needs to help him if they are going to be friends again. I do not own anything Hunger Games related. Please review. I am also an author of my own published books. The Fight series. Please enjoy!
1. Chapter 1

I come back upstairs from getting a drink to go back into my room. I start to push open the door when I hear someone behind it, sad and almost whimpering. Peeta? I thought he was in the shower. He said he was getting in the shower when I went downstairs a few minutes ago. I knock on the door which feels strange because it is my room too, actually it was my room first, but I would never use that against him.

"Peeta?" I ask as I come into the room. He doesn't respond. He is sitting with his head between both of his hands and his elbows on his knees scrunched over. He is visibly shaking from here. I go over to him sitting right by him on the bed.

"What is it?" I ask. He still doesn't answer. I am about to touch his shoulder when I see how tense all of his muscles are. He is quivering but not from being cold and I can see the veins in his arms and the line of his jaw as he tenses up. I wonder if I should touch him. Maybe he just wants to be alone. I have felt that way before. I wonder if he will even tell me if he doesn't want me to touch him.

Then a terrible thought runs through my mind. What if he had a flashback about me? What if he will go mutt as soon as I touch him? What if he is desperately trying to suppress that right now? Wouldn't he be yelling at me to get out? Wouldn't he be running over to Haymitch to protect me from him? He would because those are all of the things he has done in the past and those are all of the things someone as selfless as Peeta would do to keep me safe. Even if it means sacrificing himself.

We already know he proved he would do that a million times over just to save me once. And that's why I stay.

"Do you want to be alone?" I ask him.

A shake of his head tells me he doesn't.

So I wrap my arm around his shoulder and he leans into me. Now I know why he was shaking so bad, he's crying. But why? What happened in the ten minutes that I was gone that he felt this terrible? He has been okay lately. We both have. Nightmares come every night but that happens and it will always happen. I hold him tight to me while he shakes and sobs into my shoulder and neck. He wraps an arm around my waist to clutch onto me there.

"I'm here." I tell him and keep a hand in his hair kissing his forehead. I don't really know what to say because well I am me and I never know what to say and also because I don't even know what he is upset about yet. So for a long time I hold him there like that. I just stroke his hair and whisper soft words to him when the sobs get louder and kiss his forehead when they are quieter.

After a while he stops crying and just sniffles. He leans up holding onto me with just his hands. I wipe his face off and he leans into my hand carefully. I look into his sad blue eyes and still wonder what it could be and if I can even fix it. He doesn't even offer any words for explanation or anything. I don't ask for them. When you love someone this much it's the silence that matters not the words.

"Do you want to lay with me?" I ask.

He nods. I help him out of his tear soaked shirt before leaning back on the pillows of the bed. I have him wrap his arm around me and rest his head on my chest. I play with his hair carefully and kiss his forehead sometimes. After a while I see his eyes drifting but he tries to wake himself up every time. He doesn't want to sleep. He is afraid of sleeping. I know he will tell me later what happened. But I don't know that I even care. I just want to make him feel better and ever since I realized that I loved him, even before then, I knew that was the only thing that was important to me. I just want him to be happy and I want him to be happy with me.

So I sing.

I know that he likes it and I know that it makes him feel better so I do. I sing the Valley Song because it is the most peaceful one that I can think of at the time. I sing the versus only twice before he gives it up and his eyes close, his breathing evening out and he is asleep. I watch him for a while. Sometimes his lips quiver. It is one of the saddest thing I have ever seen in my life. And sometimes his jaw clenches and releases within seconds. I can only wonder what he is dreaming about. But he needs to sleep. I hold onto him tight so that he still feels that I am here and so that there is no way that I can let go of him when I fall asleep minutes later.

I wake up and look at the clock. It's around one in the morning. We slept six hours without waking up? That is a long time. That never happens to us anymore. I am sort of glad. I can still feel his chest evenly breathing under my palms. I watch him again as I try to drift off but my body won't let me. I have been in this position for far too long.

After a few minutes he stirs and wakes up. He looks up at me moving so that I can shift to sit up. He rolls over to lay down on his back. His eyes are bright red and look like they itch plus they are puffy. I run my hand along the side of his face softly with a hint of a smile. I don't want him to tell me anything he doesn't want to.

It's completely dark now and I know we both don't like it very much. I push to get up off of the bed when Peeta grabs my arm looking desperately at me without saying anything at all. I understand. He doesn't want me to leave. I am not going anywhere.

"I'm just opening the window." I say. He nods and lets go. I open it and come right back laying beside him. We both lay on our sides so that we can see each other and I trace patterns along the scars on his chest and side and face. I lean my face in to kiss him once on the mouth. He kisses me back reaching for me, desperately and leaning in. He pulls my body close to his and I put my hands on his chest and in his hair. We kiss like this for what feels like several minutes but that is as far as it goes. We both know that won't happen right now for him. Normally after a few minutes of this I would be able to tell if it would go further, with my legs pushed so close up against him but now I can tell that it won't and I didn't really want it to.

He is too vulnerable. Sometimes it can be a nice distraction and sometimes we have to face our fears. I would rather just have sex. Wouldn't everyone? But that isn't how life is supposed to work. We can't all be Finnick Odair.

"I'm trying," he says.

"You're trying what?"

"I'm trying to be strong."

"You don't have to. You know that. I'll hold you forever if that is what you want." I tell him.

He nods and interlaces his fingers with mine.

"What is it?" I ask as he looks down. His lips trembles and he tries to hide it. I brush my finger under his eye as a tear drops down. I just want him to tell me.

"I'm s-scared."

I rub his shoulder leaning closer to him so that he knows he is not alone.

"You're okay," I remind him.

He nods.

"Do you want to tell me about it?"

He shakes his head.

"What do you want?" I say, "I'll do anything."

"Just stay here…with me."

I nod cuddling up with him and holding one of his hands, never to let go. I kiss his lips one time before I let him try to fall asleep again.


	2. Chapter 2

**Katniss is hiding from Peeta again. This is a series of connected one-shots. Enjoy!**

"Please come out." I beg for the thousandth time. She has been in the bathroom for hours. The water has been running for a while too. I am starting to get scared. I know that since the anniversary of Prim's death she has been very down and having a lot of nightmares but nothing like this.

"Katniss please." I try to pull myself together for her. It is hard for me to keep myself together when the women I love is on the other side of this door doing god knows what to herself because she is in so much pain she thinks she can't handle it.

"Katniss if you don't open this door right now I am going break it in." I warn her. I am not afraid to do that and it would be easy for me. I hear the unlock of the door seconds later and then the nob turns but the door only opens an inch.

I push it open the rest of the way. She is standing her hair wet in a towel with tears falling down her face and blood across her arms. I quickly grab her in my arms and hold her as close as I can. She starts sobbing loudly. I can hear in her voice that she is so sad and so terrified she doesn't know what to do. I have felt this pain before. I hold her as she collapses onto me and we both fall to the ground. I lean against the tub as I hold her. She clutches against my shirt and buries her face in my shoulder trying to get closer and trying to feel safe.

"I want her back. I want her back. I want them all back." She says a few times.

"We can't get them back. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, Katniss." I whisper.

"I need them."

"I'm here. Haymitch is here and Greasy Sae. We all love you. I love you. I love you so much and I am so sorry I can't fix this." I tell her.

Her tears soak through my shirt and her towel falls around her waist. I just keep her close to me until she stops sobbing so loudly. Then she lifts her head from me and I look at her arms. The blood coming from them was she inflicted.

"Why would you do that?" I ask quietly trying desperately not to cry. Just the thought of losing her makes me want to scream. I thought she loved me. If she loved me why would she leave me?

"I'm sorry. I just didn't know what to do. I knew it wouldn't kill me. I just thought maybe the pain would make me think of a different kind of pain." She explains.

"Katniss no matter what I need you to never ever hurt yourself." I tell her. She just looks at me keeping her arms around me as if I might jump up and leave.

"But you do." She whispers not looking me in the eye. I look away and try to think what she is talking about.

"For a different reason." I respond.

"It's for the same reason. You want to be distracted by a different kind of pain. So that's what you do. You did it with the cuffs and now you'll do it with whatever is nearby." She says as if I don't already know. I don't exactly take pride in it I just don't know what to do sometimes. I am scared but then again I guess she is too.

"Katniss I've been going through relapse." I tell her because I haven't tried hurting myself in a while.

"I've been going through losing my sister and my mother and Finnick and destroying your life!" she yells throwing her arms down so she doesn't touch me but she is still sitting close.

"Katniss I wasn't saying that what you have been through is anything less then what I have. But you didn't destroy my life. You saved me." I whisper reaching out for her hand again. I grab a washcloth off of the counter and run warm water out of the tub so that I can wipe off her arms. She lets me without saying anything for a few seconds.

"I'm sorry for yelling," she whispers.

"Please just don't hurt yourself."

"If you promise that you won't." She responds.

"Katniss you know why I-"

"It feels the same way for me when I see you like that."

"If you are close by me or I think I can handle it I promise that I won't purposefully hurt myself." I promise looking in her eyes. I pull her head close to me again so that she can hug me. I just want to hold her so that she feels safe. She is still crying but she is clearly feeling better now.

"She's gone." She whispers.

"I know. I'm sorry." I respond.

After a while of crying she is shivering from being wet. I start to stand up holding her hand and she pulls me back down.

"You know when you pull me I fall. I only have one leg." I remind her and smile. She tries to smile back.

"Don't leave me."

"I wasn't." I promise her and push her hair back, "I was going to bring you to bed."

"Oh."

She gets up with me and her towel falls to the ground completely not that it matters. We are so comfortable with each other now. I keep hold of her hand as we walk to bed. We make it there and gets in the covers puling me with her. I take my shirt and pants off before climbing into bed in my boxers.

Katniss moves over so she can lay her head on my chest and wraps her arms around me. Poor thing is scared to death. I hate that she is scared and sad but I love that I can make her feel better.

"Tomorrow I want you to help me and were going to make the most beautiful painting of her. I want you to help so that I can get it right." I whisper as I brush my fingers through her hair.

"Thank you," she says and looks up at me. I kiss her on the forehead before she pulls me down to kiss her on the lips.

"Go to sleep, love. I'm not leaving you." I promise her.

"I'm going to dream about her."

"I'll be here."

It takes a long time for her to go to sleep and an even longer time for me to.


	3. Chapter 3

**Peeta** **doesn't like the storm outside his room. Triggers flashbacks and pain. Katniss is there to comfort him. Please review! I want to know what you want more of! Thanks! Enjoy!**

The whimpers are slight and very quiet from behind the door. It is the middle of the day but the sun wasn't out. It was a large storm outside that has been going on for a long time. I know that Peeta wasn't comfortable with it but I hadn't realized he was so scared. I knock on the door once before opening it. I find him sitting on the bed with his knees to his chest and his face in his lap. He is crying and jumping whenever there is a loud crack from outside.

I walk to him slowly before touching his arm and rubbing it. I just sit like this for several seconds before he looks up.

"Katniss." He says it like it is a fact with that sad broken voice of his. I move to scoot next to him and hold onto his arm. I have never seen him cry so much and it is starting to scare me. I sit next to him close so that our hips are touching. I kiss him on the cheek letting him know I am here for him for whatever he needs. I can taste the salt on my lips from the tears. I feel so bad for him. I just want to help him but I don't know how.

"It's the storm." He says. He doesn't have to explain. They tortured him using water and hearing similar noises. He looks to me with those sad blue eyes.

"What can I do?" I ask. He starts to reluctantly move his hands from his knees. He starts to move towards me in a way that seems like a hug but then he stops and just looks at me. He takes my hand in his and looks down at it. As he looks down I can tell his eyes are sad. He looks like a child that it is about to admit something or one that just lost his parents. He is that. He is a child that just lost his parents. Maybe that is part of what he is so sad about.

"Hold me." He says simply and my heart breaks for him. I lay back sitting against the head board as he lays his head on my chest and wraps his arms around me. I keep one hand on his back as he grabs the other and laces it through my fingers.

The thunder picks up again and our room is lit with lighting. He clenches onto me tighter and starts moaning as if in physical pain. He rocks slowly in a strange rhythm like he used to. His grip on my hand and side is so tight that I am afraid he is going into a flashback. I hold onto him tighter too hoping that will help him.

"Shh. It's okay. It's okay. It's just rain. It's just a storm. We're all safe." I coo at him because I don't know what else to do. Maybe if I talk to him like this it will be better. He continues to moan and rock for a while until the thunder stops. He sits up next to me and wipes his face off. I take his hand in mine and make sure we are as close as we can get while sitting on the bed side by side.

"I feel like an idiot." He says wiping the tears off his cheeks. I just take that hand too and put it on my leg. He needs to stop worrying about that.

"Don't say that." I tell him and he just looks down.

"I was so scared. Katniss it's not going to get better-not today at least- when the thunder comes again I'm still going to have to be afraid." He says honestly.

"I know that. It's okay. You help me every night and you have for years. Let me help you."

"Thanks,"

"Peeta we need to agree to something." I decide taking both of his hands in mine and looking into his eyes to make sure he is going to agree to this.

"What is that?" he asks.

"I want you to promise me that no matter what we are always completely honest with each other about everything. Even weird things that we are uncomfortable about or things like this or nightmares or fear. Anything. We have to be honest all of the time." I say. This is a big commitment for me too.

"We lived a lie for so long." Is all he says.

"Only partly." I remind him.

"All of those nights on the train were honest. Real or not real?"

"Real."

"Okay. I think we should always be honest. Both of us." I can tell he is trying to convince me of this too. I don't mind being honest with him. I want to be. I want to love him and I want him to trust me all of the time.

"Good."

"I'm going to be honest with you right now." He says.

I nod and give an encouraging smile. It might not always be easy. But I wasn't expecting how honest he was about to be.

"I need you. I need you to make me forget the storm outside."


	4. Chapter 4

**Peeta extension of hating the storm. Rated M because Katniss is trying to distract him. Not graphic. Just sweet. Katniss POV**

I slowly kiss his lips. It is so soft and so sweet and gentle. I have forgotten what that was like. But he just needed the comfort right now. Another crack of thunder hits and his grip on my hands tightens as he pulls his lips away.

"It's okay," I assure him.

I kiss him again and I can feel his need for this. He needs to get rid of this pain. I let him. He takes our shirts off first and we just kiss like this for a while. Laying side by side our lips are the one thing that make us have contact with each other for a long time. But then I wrap a leg around him and his arms are roaming against my back.

Another crack of thunder and lightning eliminating the room but making his skin glow. His eyes open wide and his lips pull away but we are so close that we are breathing in the same air. I can feel him shaking again. I shush him and push a piece of sweaty hair out of his face. I can see his chest heaving as he breaths.

"It's just me. Look at me." I tell him. He does this and his breathing gets easier. I move his face to mine so that I can kiss him again. I can feel his kissing get more intense as we move together. He starts to push himself closer to me. His hips push towards mine once before he pulls them away. I grab his hip and pull myself to him again. I hear him give a quick noise before he sighs in relief.

The tightness and closeness that we are experiencing is helping him more then I expected it to. He just wants to feel safe. I pull the covers over us as a chill runs through us but keep my body close to him. That feeling that grows in my stomach when we are like this is over powering right now but I try to just hold it onto controllable so that I can deal with his needs only.

Our mouths are mashing together wet and beautiful. Our bodies press together as one before he pushes me on top of him. I pull down his pajama pants so he is just in his boxers. When I move my mouth from his to do this I can hear his panicked breathing.

"Hey. I'm right here. I'm right here." I repeat a few times leaning over him to look in his eyes. I can see the pain behind them. He is having a really rough day. I want so badly to fix it. He nods and kisses me again. He pulls himself to me and pushes my shorts off. I kick them off not wanting to move and scare him again.

The thunder hits again so loud so that I can feel it in my chest as it rumbles through my body. Peeta suddenly stops and pulls himself all way smashed against me. His panicked breathing is worse now and he is completely distracted again. He is hugging me to him and not kissing me. His head is crooked in my neck and I can feel him shaking very badly again. His whole body is trembling with terror.

I think the reason he was taking clothes off wasn't for lust it was because he wanted to be distracted. But it was mostly because he wanted to be closer to me then he has ever been. He feels safer when our skin is touching so that nothing can come between us. I feel that way too. I feel him start to cry again.

"Sh. It's over. It's just noise, baby. It can't hurt you." I promise him. He just clings to me for a long time before he is sure that it goes away. The rain is still out on the roof but the thunder and lightning hasn't happened for several minutes.

His eyes are red and puffy. There are still fresh tears on his face and his noise is sniffy. I keep clutching to him so that he doesn't think he has to let go.

"Just let me hold you for a while. Were going to feel better." I tell him because I won't feel better until he does. He nods and buries his head in my chest as we face each other with minimal clothes on. Our bodies are sweating but it's not that warm. He is just sweating from fear and anxiety. I keep him close to me with my arms around him and my hand playing in his hair. He keeps his grip on me tight but not in the way that it is when he needs me that way. In a way that scares me.

I can feel him start to relax after a very long time of crying and clutching. His breathing evens out and it becomes louder then normal but it is so peaceful and perfect. I love every second of it. He is asleep and safe and he knows it. I don't let go.


	5. Chapter 5

**Enjoy! Please review! I see we have a lot of Hunger Games fans out there! I would like to hear from you! Don't forget to follow the story, as I post new chapters frequently!**

I come bounding down the stairs after putting all of the laundry away and turn into the kitchen. The scent of sweet bread fills my nose and I smile in greeting to him. Then I realize he is hunched over the counter, his shoulders bent and something red dripping from the counter. I take a closer look at it to see it is blood. I rush over to him. He is holding onto a knife so hard it's slicing his hand. If I take it out I am going to make it worse so there ins't much I can do.

He holds onto the counter with his other hand. His eyes are clenched tight but tears still manage to release themselves from him. I haven't seen him this torn in a while though it happens sometimes, we know. He starts to listen up. I feel his breathing falter like he was holding his breath. His breathing is loud as if he was just running a marathon, he might have been. Then he lets go of the knife very slowly releasing it to the counter. He is aware of my presence right away but he doesn't make eye contact with me. He seems very self conscious and almost embarrassed. I don't know why.

"Sorry," he tells me.

"That's a dumb thing to say." I tell him and take his hand. I bring him over to the sink and start the water. As the water rushes over his hand he winces dramatically and tries to move away. I don't want to hurt him but I have to clean it a little bit. I get a better look at the cut which luckily isn't very deep. I wrap it up and he thanks me. I help him clean the blood off the counter and floor. He stands a few feet from me not knowing what to do.

"You want to talk about it?" I ask him and he shakes his head. I can see his face start to contort to a grimace. He is in pain but not from his hand.

"What is it?" I ask again hoping this will prompt him. His head sinks down and his shoulders slump. He starts to cry for whatever reason. It isn't like a boy crying though it is a man crying, feeling true pain for something. I walk to him without even really knowing what I am doing. Then I embrace him. He wraps his arms around me and somehow even like this he still feels so much stronger then I am. I wonder if he is.

"Peeta what can I do?"

"Please help me." He sounds desperate. He doesn't want to feel any of this. He just wants to be happy. He wants this to be over. He wants to live here with me remembering the games but not like this. He wants to be in love without any glitches. But unfortunately the odds are never in our favor.

"I'm right here and I promise to never leave." I say into his shoulder. He shutters but I can't tell if that is good or bad. He is barley standing, I feel his knees weakening. He wants to collapse within me so I allow him holding up most of his weight. After a very long time he sniffles and starts to stand up.

"I'm okay now," he assures me though I am not sure that it is true. He gives me a Peeta like smile that tells me is somewhat back to himself even if he is a bit scared.

"I can go back to making dinner," he says but then second guesses himself and frowns.

"What is it?" I ask rubbing his bicep and interlacing my fingers with his.

"Maybe I'm not quite ready to do much yet." He admits with something resembling a Peeta like smile. I wonder what the flashback was about or what triggered it. I don't know how to ask. Eventually he just tells me.

"I was slicing the bread and I kept looking at the knife and remembering carrying a machete around in the games. Then something shiny came. It was something I don't care to talk about." He says.

"You don't have to then," I tell him right away. Then he turns to pull dinner out of the oven.

The scent of garlic and chicken fills the kitchen as I take the pan out of the oven. I have a chicken and rice dish Peeta taught me how to make ready. I rush up the stairs and knock on his painting room door.

"Peeta, dinner is ready." I tell him but I don't hear a response. I hear something behind me and it makes me jump. He walks out of our bedroom, eyes puffy, shoulders slumped over just a bit. I try to look happy as if I don't notice how terrible he looks. I hold out my hand and he takes it in his looking down at it.

"I thought you were in your painting room," I say simply.

"I was but I went to our room because I didn't feel well," he says and I am not sure how he feels. I wonder if he wants me to say something. I don't know what to say as usual.

"Are you okay now?" I ask and he doesn't respond so I know the answer. The answer is no but he doesn't want to say anything and he doesn't want to lie. He holds his other hand out and I take it in mine. He jerks me forward so that I am closer to him. I can only think about what I can do to help him but I don't know what to do. When he looks up, his eyes are watery.

"Talk to me," I insist.

"It was just another episode," he says and I don't want to push it.

I wrap my arms around his waist. He seems to lean into me, letting us hold each other.

"It's over now," I remind him. "You're with me."

I feel him nod against me. I hold his hand as we walk downstairs. I serve him chicken and sit beside him as we eat.

"Are you sure you're okay?" I ask. "You didn't seem like it at the time."

"I wasn't. I am not. I hate seeing it all over again. But…I'm okay once it's over most of the time."

There is long silence while we eat.

"Is it good?" I ask.

"Absolutely, honey," he says.

"I don't think it's as good as the way you make it," I admit.

"No, it's great, really."

When we finish, I clean up and he helps. It only takes a few minutes. As it got later we go up to our room. I open the window and feel someone behind me. Peeta's strong hands wrap around my waist and I feel his lips brush against me.

"What are you doing?" I ask with a slight smile.

"I want a baby," he says and I am shocked.

"Peeta, we already decided that I can't," I insist but he doesn't give up.

"Please. I don't know how else to tell you that I need this," he says. Then I put two things together.

"Were you crying earlier?" I ask him. I feel his body tense up, his chin on my shoulder, his arms around me, his hands linked in mine over my stomach. I can feel him shaking on my back.

"Katniss," he says it as a warning. He is afraid to say anything else. He doesn't want to admit that he is afraid I can never give him the one thing that he really wants.

"Peeta. Were you?"

"Yeah. Why?"

"Was it about this? About a baby," I say as we stare out of the window. The sky is dark and I can see a few stars with a large white moon that shines through on our skin.

"Yes."

"Why didn't you tell me?" I ask him. His voice is sad and cracked when he speaks. His body is still shaking.

"Because I can't hear that same answer again."

Then my heart breaks for him knowing that I want to give him everything he wants but knowing that I really can't give it to him.

"You've told me no so many time," he says, turning me around. I face him, keeping my hands on his waist. "Just this one time, you could say maybe."

"I'm scared. What if we don't do the right thing? What if we can't give the baby what it needs?"

"The games are over, Katniss!" he insists.

"What if we can't love it?"

"Katniss, do you not understand how much I love you?" he asks.

"What are you talking about?" I ask him.

"I love you more than anything. I would never leave you. I want a baby because if I love you that much, just imagine how much I could love something you made...something we made. We would do the best we can. And now there is nothing stopping us. We can do what we want, Katniss. I want this so badly," he says. He isn't really begging, but for some reason he almost convinced me. Maybe because this is the hundredth time we have talking about it, or maybe because I am starting to understand why. When I don't respond, he looks scared. He wraps his arms around me, standing behind me. He buries his face in my shoulder and I have a moment of weakness.

"We don't have to have one right now. I'm okay with that. Just promise me you won't lose hope," he says into my shoulder and I can hear the emotion thick in his throat.

"No," I say and he starts to let go of me. I hold onto his hands tighter so that he can hear what I have to say.

"No, I don't want to wait," I finish and it takes him a few seconds to think about it. "I want this with you. A baby with you, Peeta."

"Now?" he asks hopeful.

"Now." I agree.

He kisses my neck and then I turn around to meet his lips.


	6. Chapter 6

**Katniss POV. Pregnant Katniss. Not depressed. I don't like that AU. Johanna comes to visit. Enjoy! Please review!**

When it finally happened he was much more then happy. He was overjoyed. He cried for like twenty minutes and it was perfect. When I first felt her stirring inside me I was terrified. Peeta assured me she would be perfect. I got sick often with her. My back constantly hurt and I ate everything that Peeta made. Though he tried to make healthy foods all I wanted was cake. He told me I shouldn't gain more then I need to for her. I get up in the middle of the night and have pain in my stomach and back even when I wasn't that big. I would try to walk it off. Of course Peeta wakes up at the slightest movement from me now and comes rushing to my aid.

I can't help but think this isn't good for him. I know how much it hurts him to see me in pain and I know that it brings on more pain for him at night or flashbacks later. I don't want that. I lay close to him and when I am lying awake one night thinking about our daughter I catch him being jarred awake and then looks down to find me. I know that he has had a bad dream and I touch his face gently with my hand. He lets me and then does the same thing to me.

It isn't long before I have gotten bigger where I can see my stomach stick out in front of me. Most days I am sick and then there is a nice time between lunch and dinner where Peeta and I can sit outside in the newly grown grass without me having any pain at all. The bright yellow sun hits our skin and warms us. He is so happy now. He was happy before most of the time but not like this. Now he is more then happy. Peeta leans over to touch my stomach and then kisses it. He sits up and I put his hands on my round belly so he could feel his daughter under my skin kicking at me. He asks me how it feels and I simple answer terrifying. There is not much of an answer besides that. H looks disappointed so I quickly rebut.

"But a little exciting." I add.

"She's going to be beautiful." He tells me.

The rain starts and we barley notice. Then it gets harder and we are soaking wet but it isn't cold. Peeta grabs my hands and lifts me up. He leads me inside and we don't dry off. He closes the door and he kisses my lips leaning against my round belly. He can't hold me close like he used to. She is in the way and I don't like this at all. But I know that when she is out it will be better. Or so he keeps telling me. And I told him and myself that I trusted him. And I do. So I have to trust that what he says is true. Peeta puts both of his hands on my stomach that is wet with rain and my clothes that were already tight are now sticking to me. He looks up at me.

"What about Raina?" he asks. And it couldn't be more perfect.

"It's beautiful. Something for the girls too. I mean for Rue and Prim." I say. It doesn't pain me to say her name because I have to honor her. I have to remember her and love her just as she would have done to me if I died in the arena so many years ago.

"Raina Rose Mellark." He answers right away and that was it. Raina Rue would be my daughter much too soon.

There was a knock on the door. Peeta has his arm around me as I snuggle close to him on the couch. I had already gotten sick twice today because of this baby. He gives me a worried glance. Haymitch doesn't knock because he always calls before he comes over or we make him come over. So it isn't Haymitch. Who is it?

"I'll get it. You stay here." Peeta tells me. He opens the door as I sit on the couch pretending not to notice anything.

"Johanna!" he says and I get up. I walk to the door and he was right. An older version of Johanna Mason comes in. We have talked to her before but it has been over a year since we have seen her in person. She didn't get married as far as we knew.

"Peeta." She says and hugs him then turns to me.

"Katniss. How are you?"

"I'm fine. Come in," I say. She comes in and we lead her to sit down on the couch with us.

"How have you been Johanna?" I ask.

"I've been doing great actually. I have a few friends now back in seven. What about you guys? Anything new?" and there is a lot that I can say is new.

"Yeah. I'm pregnant." I say. She looks shocked.

"For real this time?" she jokes.

"Yeah for real this time." Peeta says. We engage in some small talk before Peeta feels another bad flashback coming on. Relapse isn't gone yet. I see him scratching at the backs of his wrists trying not to slip away. I put my hand on his. I hate seeing that. He gets up from the couch.

"I'll be right back." He says but the life looks like it is sucked right out of his face. He no longer has a happy expression. He looks afraid for whatever he is about to see. I know he is tired of it. I am too. Once he is gone up stairs Johanna leans in trying to be quiet about it.

"What's up with him?" she asks. Same old Johanna.

"He's going through relapse." She seems to know what that is so I don't bother explaining it.

"That's terrible. I know how much that must hurt him. I'm sorry." She says. She actually seems to know more about it then I do. I want to know what she knows.

"Do you know more about it? He doesn't tell me what he see's most of the time." I tell her.

"I had it too. It repeats a lot of the things that happened while we were in there. While the Capitol was using the venom against us. In the beginning and for a while after he would call for you." I didn't know this. "I told you one time that he would scream for hours. Well he did. And sometimes he would scream your name. He would say, help me."

"He would say, 'Katniss I love you help me.' And there was nothing that I could do." She says. This is terrible.

"So he sees that again. He feels what they did to him again. Thats why it hurts so bad." I try to put the pieces together.

"That's what it was like for me."

In other words Johanna went through relapse too.


	7. Chapter 7

She is fluttering around much more today then usual and I don't enjoy the feeling I get. It makes me nervous. Is she coming too soon? No because then it would hurt more. Should she be moving this much? Great now I am making myself nauseous. I stand up from bed and walk into the bathroom. I just get a drink of water to settle myself down. I take a few deep breaths before looking at the baby and I in the mirror. My stomach is big enough to tell that I am pregnant because I was extremely skinny before. I should be gaining more weight but it's hard to suddenly eat for two when I wasn't eating well for so long. Peeta tries to get me to eat more and I am noticing that it is helping. I have to stay healthy for all three of us now.

If I'm not healthy, then neither is the baby and therefor neither is Peeta.

Every cycle always starts with me. I look in the mirror and put my hands around my stomach as she flutters around. I feel her through my stomach and onto both of my hands. I move them from my belly and sigh as I walk back into our bedroom. Peeta is laying with one arm behind his head and his other across his stomach. I climb back into bed as she kicks me hard in the ribs.

"Ow. Stop it," I say to my belly and then clutch at it tightly. She is going to break something pretty soon. Please stop. I just want her to stop. I want her to be here so that I don't have to feel her kick me anymore. But that thought is even scarier. At least when she is inside my body I have a physical barrier to protect her with.

"Katniss?" Peeta exclaims as he wakes up and rolls onto his side to greet me.

"I didn't mean to wake you," I tell him.

"How's the baby?"

"Busy."

He tries a half smile. He gets so excited when he feels her. He thinks it is real that way. I hold onto his hand and move it to my stomach.

"Feel her?" I ask and he nods with a big grin. I think he tries not to be as excited when he knows that she scares me. He moves his hands around trying to follow where she moves.

"She's safe in there, Katniss," he promises.

I lay my head back and watch as him. I can't wait to see how excited he will be when he gets to hold his daughter.

"She's going to be beautiful. Who do you think she will look more like?" he asks. It is early in the morning so I am not sure why we are having this conversation right now. Maybe he is just trying to make me feel better.

"You I hope." I answer.

"No. I think that she should have your hair."

"But your eyes. I love your eyes." I say and run my fingers through his hair.

He smiles at me and then rolls onto his back leading me in. I lay on his chest knowing that he will keep me safe. He rests one hand on my belly and rubs it gently before I fall asleep. I don't have to be ready for this yet. Peeta is ready enough for the both of us.

Every doctors appointment was scary. I never knew if I was doing well enough. The doctor told me that the baby was fine and so was I every time. The baby on the screen was so real. She looks so much like a baby. And it was so strange to think that she was really inside me. It was like watching myself in the games. The only reason I knew it was real was because I experienced the aftermath. I knew one day I would hold her in my arms and feel that strange feeling. The one that is sort of unbelievable and indescribable.

Her facial structure is quite like mine. I don't know what her hair color or eye color will be but Peeta thinks she is going to look just like me. I don't know or care either way. Neither does he. But he gets excited about thinking about the possibilities.

"She's going to be beautiful." He says. He looks at the picture on the screen like the way he looks at me. He looks at me like he has to be near me. He looks at the baby and at me like he truly loves us. I know he does. And I can only hope that I will be a mother as great as Peeta will be a father.

"You're taking great care of her, Peeta," he tells him.

"Those are my girls. Their my life. I better be," he responds. I rub his arm and try to catch his eyes. He looks a little afraid but I kiss his cheek.

"Of course you are," I agree with the doctor, despite my fear. They are right. I am healthy. Peeta has been making sure of that if I wasn't already. I love my baby. And seeing Peeta so happy everyday makes me love her even more. If she is anything like him, she will be just another reason for me to live.

"Just eight more weeks, Katniss. Baby and Mama are right on track and healthy. You're doing fine," Doc says.

I am scared but watching Peeta makes every fear I ever had leave my body. His face changes from happy to an expression I have never seen before on a man. Elation. Purest form of emotion there is. He smiles but there are tears in his eyes that illuminate them into crystal like structures. He squeezes my hand as he watches our daughter on the screen.

"I can't wait to hold her, Katniss," he says.

"I know," I say with a smile.

"We made that."

No matter how scared or sad I get, I will always have my Peeta. And he will always bring me back.


	8. Chapter 8

**Katniss POV. I wrote this a very long time ago but I hope you enjoy!**

The first sight of pain was like the rest of them. The ones that follow get worse and longer. Soon Peeta calls the doctor and he comes with two nurses. They set up an area in one of our guest rooms where I will have the baby. Until then I have to go through labor. I can't have the medicine until I'm far enough along because then it will wear off by the time I am ready to have her and that will not help at all.

Soon the pain is so bad and so close that Peeta has to leave for a moment and I don't blame him at all. I understand. If I saw him in this much pain I would probably want to leave to. Only he needs to. When he comes back his eyes are puffy not like he has been crying but like he has been rubbing them and the beaks of his wrists are are scratched. I know this happens sometimes when there is a bad flashback. He doesn't really mean to do it I don't think. And if he does I don't want to know about it. I just know that it isn't long after he has returned that the doctor says I am ready.

"Everything is okay." I tell him. When it is time to push focusing on Peeta and the baby helps me to be distracted from the pain. I notice Peeta is rather panicked at first though he did very well during labor.

"Focus on me. Don't think about the blood. Just about the baby and I." I tell him and hold his hand.

"You're going to be fine. This is the best moment of our lives." He says and I can tell he is happy but nervous.

Peeta stands by me the entire time and soon our daughter is born. The doctor cleans her up as I look over to Peeta who has tears pouring down his face. Not from sadness but from pure joy and so do I. His smile is so perfect.

"Thank you," he whispers to me while the doctor cleans her up, "Thank you so much."

I kiss him on the mouth and he wipes my sweaty hair out of my face. She is beautiful. When the doctor walks over to hand her to me suddenly I am so afraid again. I point to Peeta. He holds his daughter in his hands and for the first time can't come up with the words to express the feeling. Tears run down his face. He is so happy and it was worth it. I understand how much he wanted her now. He sits down beside me on the bed and gives her to me.

Her hair is dark like mine and thick. Her eyes are blue right now but I can tell by the lightness of them that they will be grey like mine. She is beautiful.

"Great job momma," Peeta says to me and now I know that I am a mom. He leans down close to me and I touch his face pulling it close to me with my hand. I wipe the tears away from his cheeks but he is still smiling. The entire time since she was born he didn't stop. And I didn't want him to. After checking on us the doctor left and we were alone with our daughter. We lay in bed, Peeta holding her and me leaning against him with my belly almost back to it's normal shape. Raina is sleeping but he doesn't want to put her down. I can tell.

"I told you it would all pay off. She isn't scary is she?" he says to me looking down at her. Her little nose and mouth are scrunched together and I wonder what she is dreaming about. I do know that she won't ever have to have dreams like Peeta and I do. The first couple nights with her we don't have any bad dreams at all. We barley get any sleep. Soon she is on a schedule where she gets up twice in the middle of the night which is just about the same as Peeta and I used to when we were having a lot of nightmares. It is better to wake up to her in the middle of the night then to raging mutts trying to kill my husband.

Haymitch is a little bit afraid of her I think because she is so small. He looks fragile but if someone like Peeta with large, strong muscles can hold her then Haymitch can to. He likes Raina Rue. Soon she has gotten a nickname from Haymitch of course. He now calls her, Double R. We aren't going to argue with that. It makes sense.

"She is perfect, Katniss." Peeta reminds me.

"She's half you. Of course she's perfect." I say.

"Raina looks like you." And I couldn't deny that. But she was much more cute, pretty and much smaller. But defiantly resembled me.

Our family feels almost complete. Now that she is here Peeta and I couldn't be happier.

"Peeta thank you," I tell him.

"For what?"

"For convincing me of the best decision I ever made in my life."


	9. Chapter 9

"Today is the 15th anniversary of the 75th Hunger Games. Now the games is no longer a part of our everyday lives but it was not that long ago. Some of us don't like to relive it but we can't forget." The announcer comes on tv. This catches my attention. I was playing on the floor with Raina Rue while Peeta is making dinner in the kitchen.

"We are going to replay the highlights of the 75th hunger games. May the odds be ever in your favor." That was letting setting off a bomb inside me. I hadn't felt fear like this in a long time. I was awake. I wasn't sleeping and I couldn't get away from it. I couldn't remember my games but I couldn't handle hearing those words. I had heard them too many times in pure fear for them to mean anything but that.

I decide I can't let Peeta know this is on. President Undersee has made this a mandatory viewing for the people. It is like history class. If we don't learn about it and remember it then we will repeat it. I decide not to let Peeta know that it is on. I hope he can't hear the tv from the kitchen. I won't tell him. It would hurt him too much. I can't.

I focus only on Raina who crawls along the ground. Peeta comes in a few minutes later when the games is just beginning. I had been ignoring it but now I can see that the highlight on tv is when Peeta died in the arena and Finnick revived him.

"Katniss." Peeta says slowly, "Why is this on tv?"

"It's a mandatory viewing of the highlights of the games. Apparently its the 15th year anniversary of the games." I explain.

This part of the games doesn't bother me as much I truly loved Peeta and I don't feel like I did anything wrong there. Peeta hasn't seen these games ever. I don't want him to have a flashback because of it.

"Is dinner ready?" I ask.

"Ten minutes. The chicken is baking." He answers. He sits down on the floor with me and looks at the projection of the games. Now it's the fog and when he hears my screams he clenches over himself. I put my hand on his back and rub it carefully and gently. The screams are over so he sits up. This is a bad idea.

"Maybe we should just go in the kitchen or something." I say. "So we don't have to hear it."

"I can handle it." He says almost defensively.

"I didn't say you couldn't. But we should go have dinner." I hear the timer go off so he agrees and gets the table set up. I pick Raina Rue up and bring her into the kitchen. There is something of the careers on now and I really don't want to see that. When dinner is over I let Raina play on the living room floor while Peeta and I sit together on the couch.

"You think we can handle it?" I ask him.

"I think we have to. We can't escape it, Katniss." He tells me. "Maybe it will make us stronger."

"Or maybe it will brake us." I say.

"We're already broken." And I can't argue with that.

The next highlight is the monkey's and then the morphling. He doesn't remember her but I remember how sad he was when she died. I am reliving it now and I wonder if Peeta remembers how he felt. Then I hope that he doesn't because I don't want him to feel pain again. When the scene is over I look at Peeta who is still sitting up tall but now his eyes are glossy and his expression is tight.

"Are you okay?" I ask. He nods and I lean my head on his shoulder. He touches my arm with his hand moving up and down gently. With my hand in his we watch the next couple of highlights that don't do anything for us. Mags and Wiress' death of course was also sad.

Now while there is some sort of commercial I put Raina to bed. When I come back down I see that Peeta and I are sitting on the beach. I remember this clearly because it didn't feel like I was in the games at all. I felt safe and happy with him. It was something that made me want more from him. Something that had overtaken me a few times since he has been back. Once resulting in the baby that lies in her bed right now.

The scene is over and though we were young then we still feel that same hunger. Peeta turns to me and we don't pay any attention to the next part of the games. His blue eyes look into mine as he kisses my lips. The hunger grows inside me so I let him make me lay down on the couch. Him laying on top of me kissing me makes me love him all the more. He looks at me with glossy eyes. Not afraid glossy eyes not even sad, but happy and pleasant.

"Can we have another one now?" he asks. I let the hunger overtake me again. Soon the space between us is closed.

"Yes." I answer and kiss him again.


	10. Chapter 10

I didn't know how I was going to tell him but I had to do it quick. I want to wait until he comes home. He has a meeting today with the school board representatives that he is a part of. He will be home by three and I have to be ready to tell him by then. I can't cook or bake like he can but I can't wait to tell him. I leave the doctors with Raina Rue on my hip and walk through the town. I see people everywhere. Some of them greet me and some of them don't.

The town is completely transformed from what it used to be. It is warm outside now and I have my hair in a long braid down my back. Raina Rue's hair is growing out and she is asking me to braid her hair like I do mine. I make it back to our house where I see that haymitch's lights on. I wonder if he is awake.

"Want to go see Uncle Haymitch?" I ask Raina Rue.

"Yes. Uncle Haymitch." She says. She is two years old now and reminds me of Prim as a child all of the time. It is a lovely thing to remember. We have been happy for so long. I am glad that Peeta has been so happy and this news will only make him happier.

I open the door and see that Haymitch is sitting on his couch with a glass cup of whisky in his hand. He smiles when he sees Raina Rue and sets the cup down on the table.

"Uncle Haymitch!" she calls and I hand her off to him.

"Double R! How you doing?" he asks holding her as I did. I love that Haymitch likes Raina Rue. I like that she takes his mind off of everything as she does to me and Peeta. She is beautiful that way.

"Great." She responds.

"What are you doing here, sweetheart?" I am now aware he is talking to me.

"Just visiting. I was coming home and saw that your lights were on. Raina wanted to see you." I add.

"Of course she did." He laughs.

I stay there for a few more minutes hoping that she will get his mind off of drinking for a while. While she sits playing on the floor I wonder if I should tell haymitch. I decide that I have to tell Peeta first. We leave not long after and I am glad that Raina Rue could help Haymitch if only for a few minutes. We made it to our house and waited a while before he came home.

I see Peeta come through the door and hope that he is happy. He sees me and smiles. I hug him and then he picks up Raina and holds her for a few minutes. It is late afternoon and Raina Rue should go for a nap. Maybe then I can tell Peeta alone.

"How was it?" I ask him.

"Good. Fine. Boring." That is what I like to hear.

"Raina should take a nap." I say.

"No nap!" she protests.

"Yes nap. I'll put her down." Peeta says and takes her upstairs to her room.

He comes back only a few minutes later and he sits down on the couch. I sit beside him and he scoots close to me putting his arm around me.

"I love you." He says. I don't know how to tell him so I just blurt it out.

"Good." I kiss him once on the lips and it is as if he was never hijacked in the first place. He wasn't hurt at all because he is so perfect right now. He seems like he has something to say but he doesn't quite know how to say it.

"What do they want?" I ask.

"They are teaching the children about the games." He says.

"We knew that would happen."

"Yeah. It's fine." He agrees and grins at me.

"Now. I have to tell you something." I make my voice sound serious. He looks at me with concern and I didn't mean to scare him. He moves him arm from behind my back and I sit facing him.

"What?" he asks and I hold his hand. I smile so he doesn't look as concerned.

"Peeta I'm pregnant."


	11. Chapter 11

I waited until Katniss and I were alone to tell her. I knew that she wouldn't be happy about it. I wasn't happy about it. I was worried because I didn't want to go back there. I didn't want to admit that I was sort of afraid too. Last time I was in the Capitol they kept me there for tests to make sure I could come home. The tests weren't painful, well most of them anyway. But they were boring and they weren't fun because they watched me while I was having a flashback and then studied my brain cells.

Raina Rue and Cannon are sleeping in their rooms. Since Cannon is two he sleeps in his own room, though for a long time he slept with us. Katniss was pushing him out of our room but I wanted to keep him in. I loved having him here because I missed having a new born. I miss having an infant now but I like being able to talk in an almost normal human voice to both of my children besides just babbling.

"Katniss the doctors in the Capitol…" I don't know how to put this. I sit against the backboard of the bed with Katniss head on my lap. I touch her hair gently and look down into her eyes while I speak.

"What Peeta?" she asks urging me on.

"The doctor wants me to come to the Capitol where they can do some tests. They want to see how my brain is now after relapse. They want to see if everything's healing." I explain.

"Healing?"

"Sort of like when your tracker jacker stings healed but in my head." I tell her. She shudders at the thought of them going into my head again.

"When?" She sits up now paying more attention.

"Friday." Today is Wednesday, that doesn't give us much time to tell the kids.

"Friday." She says, "How long?"

"I come back on Monday."

"That's three nights alone, Peeta." She says and I was thinking the same thing.

"I know, but I think it will be good. I should go."

"I know you should. The kids are going to miss you a lot. I'm going to miss you." She has no idea how much I will miss her. How much it will hurt when I am not with her. After a bad dream or a flashback she won't be there. I won't be able to feel her soft touch and hear her gentle words. I want that. I need that.

"It's not that long. You'll be back, and I'm sure it won't be that bad. Right?" she see's through me. She holds my shaking hand.

"Are you afraid to go back to the Capitol?" she asks and moves closer to me.

"A little," I have to admit.

"Don't be. Your going to be okay. And I'll be fine here with the kids. You don't have to worry about us." She lays her head on my chest and I feel her close to me. I feel her warmth and her heart.

"Thank you. I love you."

I didn't want to tell him goodbye. I was afraid I was going to break down and just start bawling or shaking or something. I don't want my kids to see that. Of course I don't have to worry about Peeta breaking down. He is very good in front of the kids. We are at the train station with him. He carries only a backpack, he doesn't need much else and he won't be there for long.

"I have to go guys," Peeta says.

"No!" Raina Rue protests. I don't want her to do that because I don't want to make him feel worse.

"I'll be back soon. You get to have special time with mommy for a few days. Keep her company." Peeta says to them.

"Yay!" good she is distracted. I don't want her to cry. He puts her down and then I give Peeta Cannon who was on my hip. He whispers something to Cannon that makes him laugh, his little baby laugh and then I put him next to Raina on the floor. My turn.

I see Peeta sigh and then he pulls me in his arms. He hugs me for a long minute breathing into my hair. I wonder what he is feeling. I am sad that he is leaving. I am worried that he will be hurt or in pain. I am worried that he will miss us and miss the kids. I feel his body shudder.

"Don't be afraid." I whisper in his shoulder.

"You too," he reminds me. He is right. I can't be afraid either.

"Take care of the kids. I'll be home soon," he says.

"I will and I know. Call me." I say. He hugs me again.

"I love you. I'll see you soon." I promise. He responds with the same thing and then lets go. He kisses my lips twice and we linger there holding each other close. He let go and turned to get on the train. I could see him waving in the window. It reminded me when he waved to all of the people in the Capitol. I never did, but he was smart enough to. Now he was waving to his little family. We are little and broken but still good.

It was a very sad and long walk home.


	12. Chapter 12

I am shaking from the past events. Only an hour ago they were beating me telling me confusing things about the person that thought I loved. Now I am not sure if I love her. I think she is dangerous. I don't think she loves me. There is something in the back of my mind fighting to tell me that I love her and I feel it. I feel the love for her. I have to save her. There are so many things that I am confused about but I have to warn her.

"And you…in thirteen…dead by morning." I say to the camera. I hope they get it! They have to get it! Katniss needs to understand that they could die. I heard Snow talking about it and I know that they will be attacked. The camera might still be on I am not sure. The next blow that hits me makes me fall out of my chair in a cry of pain. He slashed me some sort of knife that stings so bad. I feel the blood come out right away. I must have lost pints of blood by now. I am shaking and can't quite think straight.

I feel pain as they slash me with the whip a few times. Soon they make me stand and then they pull me back into my cell. They remove my shirt so I can feel the sting more and I scream for them to stop. They won't. I just wanted them to let me go! I just wanted the pain to stop! There was so much hurt that I thought I might pass out. I try to pull everything together and remember that I did it for Katniss. I had to have her survive. She has to live. I am sweating and blood comes out of my back, chest and arms.

"You gave them a warning! You knew!" a familiar voice screams to me. He is my torturer. Snow comes in the room and an entire new fear comes over me. I am am afraid the pain he will cause me. I am afraid of the pain he will cause Katniss but there is something in my head telling me she doesn't love me. Why am I protecting her? Why are these people hurting me? My head constantly hurts with the confusion.

"Oh, boy you shouldn't have done that." Snow says.

"Just let me go." I beg trying to catch my breath.

"Shut up." He speaks quietly.

Snow hits me on the back so hard that I think it must have been with a hammer. I spit out blood and then it pours out of my mouth. I want it to stop. I don't want to taste the saltily substance. I can feel the thick stuff on my tongue and I can feel it all over my hands and face. I am shaking with fear of what might come next.

"Leave him." Snow says and I lay on the floor in a puddle of my own blood.

"Katniss I'm sorry. I can't hold on any longer." I say quietly. Weeks of this amount of hurt and I am done. I can't do anything more. I can't survive this much blood loss, hunger and dehydration. I am done.

I can only hope for her safety. I can only hope that she is okay now. I can only hope that I saved her. If I did all of this pain will be worth it.

I wondered how long it would be until they let me eat again. I wondered how long it would be until I was able to eat.

The pain subsided a little bit a few hours later. I sit against the wall and try to listen for Johanna's scream.

"Johanna. Johanna." I say but my voice is raspy and it hurts to speak. I am guessing she isn't able to hear me. I hear her screams for the next few hours.

I try to focus on what I need to do to survive here. The blood stopped pouring from my mouth and open wounds. It had been over twenty four hours and I was starving. I was sweating and I was so thirsty. My tongue was dry and I fall in and out of consciousness.

When I wake it's the sound of the door opening. I will never forget that sound. Its a small click and a few footsteps. I sit straight up to that sound. This time it is just my food. It has never tasted so good thought it was just bread.

When I finished it wasn't two hours before I was beaten again.

I set Cannon back in his bed and then walk back to my room. I open the door and peek in. Peeta is sitting straight up looking towards the door in a frightened and defensive position.

"Peeta, what's wrong? Was it a nightmare?" I ask right away. I come to him and sit next to him on the bed touching him gently.

At first he takes on that face I used to see. The face of a scared animal looking at it's killer.

"Yeah. I haven't had one like that in a long time." He says. He tries to tell me about the nightmare that pained him so much.

"I can still feel it." He says. He hasn't had a nightmare in a while. Or at least he hasn't said anything about it.

"It's okay now. They won't hurt you."

The terrible story he told me of his nightmares scared me. I wondered how he must have felt. He is still shaking and I can see the fear in his blue eyes. He has his strong arms around me and my head on his chest. I don't think there is anything that I can say that would change the way he will think about this. I know he is still afraid. There is only one thing I can do to help him. The same thing that he would do for me. I kiss his collarbone where there is a little scar.

"What is that from?" I ask. He seems hesitant to answer.

"That was where they sliced my skin and injected the venom about thirty times." He says, "When I was in the Capitol."

I don't want him to think about that anymore.

"Your not in the Capitol anymore."

"When I gave you guys that warning about the bombing in thirteen that saved lives. Real or not real?" he asks.

"Real. It saved Prim and Buttercup," I say without naming the other person that it saved.

"Good." He answers. And I know why. He told me about the beating and the blood. I don't want to think about it or hear it anymore.

I just kiss him and try to make us both forget the damage Snow inflicted.


	13. Chapter 13

A/N: I wrote this a long time ago when I was very young so I hope you enjoy; but there might be some grammatical errors. That is true of this entire fan fiction. Yes, I am just now posting it. Reviews are still appreciated!

Chapter Thirteen

Katniss POV

The loud clambering thunder shakes me awake. This was the third time it woke me so this time I just give up. I sit up and look down at Peeta. His eyes are closed but he doesn't have that peaceful look on his face that he does when he is sleeping. Plus I know my husband and I know that he would not be able to sleep with this much noise happening outside right now.

"I know your not sleeping." I say. His eyes flutter open and he gives me a grin. He sits up too so I snuggle into him.

"Is is scaring you? The thunder I mean." He says.

"Not tonight. I don't know why. Maybe because it was just annoying me that I couldn't go to sleep." I laugh and he does too. Then I remember something.

"Is it scaring you?"

"No. I decided against sleep. But I'm okay." He says. As long as he doesn't try to sleep while it's happening I guess I can accept that he is okay right now. I still stay close to him though not for him but for me. I want to be close to him not because I am afraid but because I love him. That is the reason I should want to be next to him. But often it isn't the real reason.

"I have to admit that I do hate the thunder. I don't mind the rain. It's not the fact of the storm it's the noise. I think I hate the lightning more then the thunder." He says.

"Why? You never told me that before." I say. I feel his chest move up and down as he takes a long breath.

"Well they would electrocute me as a form of punishment." He says it very matter of fact as if he isn't talking about what happened to himself. I don't say anything to that because I have run out of things to say when he tells me things like this. I open my mouth and take a breath as if to say something but nothing comes.

"It's okay. You don't have to say anything. It was a long time ago. It doesn't scare me anymore. When it does I just think of you or put myself with you. That is all I have to do to get over it now. It's just the flashbacks that become the problem. But with that new medication and the therapy I don't have those that often."

"I noticed you are doing really well. I'm proud of you Peeta. I'm proud of who you are." I say.

"Thank you. I'm proud of you too. You haven't had many nightmares."

"I know. It feels so good. Have you?"

"No I haven't either." He says and I smile. We were actually doing really well together after the doctor came. This storm didn't even bother us. Though we won't ever be healed maybe we could be mended.

I hear the door click open and know that is one of the noises that does still scare Peeta. I feel him jump and squeeze his hand. Though he might not be truly afraid of what is on the other side right now it still makes him jump. I look and see Raina Rue standing at the door with tears down her face.

"It's just Raina." I tell Peeta but his face is the same expression.

"I'm okay. It just startled me." He says and I believe him.

"Hi Raina. What are you doing up?" I ask.

"I'm scared. I don't like the noise." She says.

"Come here." Peeta says because he can't help but take Raina Rue into his arms even at the slightest imperfection of her life. She runs to our bed and I help pull her up. She lays between us.

"I don't like it." She protests.

"It's keeping mommy and daddy awake too but there isn't anything we can do about it. Don't be scared. It can't hurt you." I tell her. Though I know that Peeta was afraid of it not that long ago and might be again someday. I know that if he tried to sleep he might see something terrible but I can't exactly tell our young daughter that.

"Go to sleep, Raina. We're here and you're fine." Peeta tells her touching her hair. I fall asleep eventually too. When I wake Peeta is holding Raina to his chest and they are both facing me. He is in that peaceful state that shows me he is sleeping. I just look at them for a few minutes and try to realize that they are mine. When Peeta wakes up there is a loud crack of thunder that makes me jump too. Raina still lays asleep in his arms but he searches the room quickly for someone.


	14. NEW PUBLISHED BOOK

**Hello Everyone! I have just recently published my fourth book. If you like young adult fiction about teens trying to get through life, you will like my book, "My Socially Awkward Friends and I". It is about a group of people who are just trying to get through high school with some serious and mild problems of their own.**

 **My-Socially-Awkward-Friends-I/dp/1985690926/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8 &qid=1543459751&sr=8-1&keywords=my+socially+awkward+friends+and+I**

 **Copy and paste the link to find it!**

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 **Can be purchased INTERNATIONALLY! If you would like a signed copy, let me know. Message me and we can work out details if you're having trouble finding it or if you want to get one from me.**

 **Thank you all for reading my stories and following! If you like my fanfiction style, you will probably like my book. I appreciate your support! I really appreciate the ones who have reviewed too!**

 **If you want to read young adult action based on fictional terrorist acts, please check out my other three books (series of three that is now complete): The Fight, The Battle and The War. You can look these up on amazon or find them under my name on amazon. Message me for me details.**

 **Anyway…read on!**


	15. Sick Peeta One Shot

**One shot. Katniss and Peeta are in bed when Katniss wakes to find Peeta sick. She takes care of him.**

"Katniss?" Peeta asks, pulling at my side. I roll over to find his face red and his body warm to the touch. I put my hand to his face. He's burning up. Right away I am in the middle of the games. We are in the cave again and I am begging myself to figure out what to do to keep Peeta alive. I am terrified that anything that I do could be hurting him and that in the end of all of this work, I'll end up alone.

Peeta senses my panic and grabs my hand, holding tightly to me.

"I'm okay," he says.

"No. You're not," I insist, putting my hand to the side of his face. I quickly get up and out of bed. I throw on a robe over the light blue nightgown and then my slippers. I rush toward the bathroom when Peeta grabs my hand, yanking me back.

He's sitting up now, looking pale other than the redness on his cheeks. His lips are slightly parted and his body is hunched over. It is obvious that he feels horrible.

"Please," he says. He knows that I melt when he says that. He knows that under that spell I will give him nearly anything he wants.

"What?" I beg of him.

"Stay," is all he says.

"Peeta, I need to get you medicine and a cool wash cloth and new clothes. You sweat right through those," I tell him. I try to turn around and pull back toward the bathroom when he grabs my hand, pulling it harder.

"Katniss," he says, his voice vulnerable and filled with all kinds of scary emotions. I look right into his sad blue eyes and kneel before his legs, putting my hands on his knees.

"What is it?"

"I'll be okay," he says. "I know that. But something like this…I might have a flashback and I…don't want to be alone."

It is clear that it is hard for him to get all of those words out but by the time he does, he looks winded. I keep our hands linked together and lean down to kiss his rough, burnt fingers. I stand up, taking him with me to the bathroom. He leans up against the counter with his hands behind his back. I lean down to help him take his shirt off. He gives me a small grin.

"What?" I ask, smiling back.

"I think I know how to take my own clothes off," he says.

"I think you like it better when I do it," I respond.

"Is that an offer?"

We both give a short laugh. I like to see him smiling again. I grab some simple cold medicine and a cup of water, handing it over to him. He drinks from the cup, taking the pills and then looking back at me.

"Anything else, Doctor Everdeen?" he asks.

"How did you even get sick?"

He shrugs.

"I work in a bakery. People come in and out all the time," he shrugs.

I put my hand to his forehead. He has a fever for sure. I grab a washcloth and dunk it in the cool water, bringing Peeta back to bed with me. I grab him new shorts and a new tee shirt, handing them over to him to change. It takes him longer than usual. I know he doesn't want me to know but I can tell that he feels horrible.

I help Peeta lay back, running my hand through his blonde hair and giving him small kisses across his cheek or hand or ear. He tries to relax into my touch, that much I can tell. The cool wash cloth seems to be soothing enough because after a few minutes, he is back to sleep.

I go downstairs to start making some stew. I know it will not be nearly as good as Peeta's but it will have to be good enough. Just as I am throwing the chopped vegetables into the stew, there is a knock on the door and then someone tries to open it, jiggling the handle. A bolt of fear goes through my entire body before I hear Haymitch on the other side.

"Let me in!" he shouts.

I laugh, throwing down the knife I hadn't even realized I had picked up and open the door for him. He comes walking in, staring at our slightly messy, empty house.

"Where's lover boy?" he asks.

"Sick."

"Gross. Let me stay away from that."

"Yeah. I'm making stew for him right now."

"Hm. I think he'd be better off without eating," he jokes. I try to ignore him as I finish the stew. Haymitch tries it first and gives me a small nod. He coughs on his strew and practically throws it back after a second.

"Wait. Are you sober?" I ask him.

"No! Of course not!" he says. "But…there's no liquor down in the Hob and I can't find anybody who will sell any to me."

"So you came here, hoping that we would have some."

He nods.

I roll my eyes and grab a bottle of red wine that someone brought over for us a while back. I hand it over to him. Haymitch is never really him unless he's partially drunk. I deal with the nightmares and the flashbacks by hunting. Peeta deals by painting and Haymitch deals by drinking. Why would I take that small comfort away from him?

"Can always count on you," he says with a grin.

"Katniss! Katniss! Where are you!" Peeta shouts from upstairs.

Haymitch gives me a look, asking me if I want him to stay. I shake my head and he gets the idea. Haymitch turns to leave, giving me a sympathetic smile on the way out the door with his wine.

"Peeta!" I call after him, racing up the stairs. I find him in the doorway of our room, putting his head in his hands, trying to make his way downstairs. I rush over and put my hands on either side of his head, trying to make him look at me.

"I'm here," I promise him. "Peeta, look at me!"

He doesn't. He starts rocking, muttering things about the cave and hurting and Cato and the sword. He hasn't talked about the first games in so long that I didn't even think he would remember much about it. But it still plagues his thoughts just as much as mine. Yes, the war was horrible but our terrible nightmares started because of the first games.

"I'm here," I say again. "I'm right here. You're okay. Peeta, everything is okay. You're safe."

He looks up at me then with surprise in his sad, blue eyes. His expression turns to confusion.

"Safe?" he asks.

"Yes," I promise him, holding onto his face between my hands. I step closer to him, pressed my body against his so that he is pinned between the door frame and me.

"You are safe. We are both totally safe. It's just us."

"Are you real or not real?" he asks, shaking.

"I'm real. This is real. You're with me."

His eyes relax and his head falls to my shoulder. I wrap my arms around his body, letting his face relax into my hair and neck. I can feel his mouth graze my skin. His arms are around me so tightly I wonder if he is going to break me. I hold him back just as tight, petting my hand in his hair to soothe him.

"Thank you. Thank you," he mutters over and over again.

"It's okay," I promise him. "You're okay. Come on, let's get you back to bed."

"Actually," he says, pushing him away from me. "I'd rather not…I don't want to—"

"Peeta," I sigh, putting my hand to his cheek. He never stutters or mumbles or fumbles over his words. Being sick is really getting to him this time.

"I don't want to be away from you."

I understand then.

"Do you want to have some stew?" I ask him.

He gives me a small smile then.

"That depends. Are you going to feed it to me?"

I roll my eyes, tugging him downstairs.


End file.
